‘Everyone’s so fake!’, ‘I just want real communication, without filters and masks’, ‘Why doesn’t anyone show their true self?’, ‘I’m so tired of games and pretence!’ People on dating apps are using these phrases more and more. These are the main reasons people delete their profiles. People say that online dating has become a kind of ‘showcase’ where everyone is trying to ‘sell’ themselves to get the best deal.
But is it really as bad as they say? These days, pretty much all of our interaction is through a screen. These days, we’re always online, studying, working and chatting. And, as much as we may not want it to be, every personality on the internet becomes a little ‘edited’. So, let’s take a look at how critical this problem is.
The pressure to be ‘real’ in the digital age
We’ve all heard the phrase ‘Just be yourself.’ It sounds great and promises to give you freedom and make all your dreams come true — just show who you really are, and the world will accept you. But in real life, it’s not that simple. Often, this advice can make people anxious. It’s not easy to understand who we really are when we’re not trying to meet other people’s expectations.
Anyway, people have always tried to look their best at social events and important receptions. It’s just that now this ritual has moved online. We all package ourselves, but not with expensive clothes, it’s with photos and words. That’s why, when it comes to the internet, the idea of just being yourself seems like a bit of a challenge. At the end of the day, in different situations, this ‘real me’ looks different. It’s only natural that we interact differently with colleagues, friends and strangers. And trying to be ‘authentic’ all the time makes online communication really stressful. We’re worried that our expressions might come across as false — our responses might seem too rehearsed, and our photos might look too staged and insincere.
This is especially true on dating apps. Here’s the thing: we want to be liked, but we’re also worried about seeming fake. We’re always hit with doubts. Remember how tricky it can be to pick a pic for social media? One photo seems a bit ordinary and boring, while another is too provocative and revealing. This is the tenth time we’ve opened the gallery, and we can’t help but wonder: ‘What if people talk about me?’ ‘What if I look ridiculous and absurd?’
The same thing happens when we move on to communication. We’re always trying to figure out the best way to communicate that keeps us true to ourselves while still being likeable. And literally every conversation turns into a mini-exam. If we write too briefly, we’ll seem cold and uninterested. If we use too many emojis, we might seem a bit silly. It feels like every action we take on the internet is a big deal. At the end of the day, communication doesn’t make us happy, it just makes us anxious.
And as we’re trying to find our ‘true self’, we end up trapped. The more we try to be ‘authentic’, the faster we lose sight of who we really are.
1v1 chat is the icing on the cake, the thing that makes everything else worthwhile
Video chat was a huge deal at the time. People who were sick of dry messages once again got to communicate in a real way. They could write to each other and even talk via video.
But if you look closely, online video chat isn’t a return to ‘real’ communication, it’s just a more advanced form of it. At the end of the day, if a profile on an app is a kind of online CV where we show ourselves in the best light, then chat 1v1 is a live performance where the action happens.
Yeah, here we can see and hear a person as they happen. This really makes up for the lack of warmth you get from texting. But at the same time, we still watch how we look on the screen, choose our words carefully, and control our facial expressions and emotions. So even in video calls, we’re still playing a part. I don’t think we can call this pretence, it’s more like part of a new way of communicating.
Here are some of the plus points of video format
But online 1v1 chats do have a lot of advantages over classic dating apps. It’s no surprise they’re so popular with people of all ages. There are a few reasons for this:
There’s loads of ways to get in touch. Web chats are more than just a way to exchange texts, which is a bonus. We can now use non-verbal cues like body language, facial expressions and the tone of your voice. This is a much more proper conversation. You can see someone’s emotions for real, instead of just guessing from emojis, and you can see how they react to you and how comfortable you are talking to each other. All of this helps to establish contact much faster than texting.
You’ll also get to see more quickly that this isn’t the right person for you, and that you shouldn’t waste each other’s time. Controlled spontaneity. Before you get chatting, you can get ready by picking a comfy spot, getting dressed in something you’ll feel good in, and even thinking about what you want to talk about. But once you get to know each other, things start to flow, just like on a real date. You can’t plan for random phrases, funny slips of the tongue or fleeting glances. The great thing about video communication is that we can set the tone, but we can’t control what happens.
Safety and comfort. You can talk to us in a place that’s nice and comfortable for you – you can even stay in your bedroom if you want. At home, we feel more relaxed and confident, which is different from how we feel in public. This means we can relax and not worry, as we would in a real meeting. It’s funny how a lot of people find it easier to be themselves online than in person. When you’re in a place you know, you’re less likely to be afraid of saying something ‘wrong’. And, contrary to popular belief, the screen doesn’t divide, it actually helps people get together and get to know each other better.
Another plus of random video chats is that there are no swipes. A lot of people who use dating apps say they’re sick of having to scroll through endless profiles. This process takes a long time and often doesn’t lead to anything. With video chat platforms like coomeet.chat/1v1chat the algorithm works in a totally different way. Here, the system randomly picks your conversation partner, so you can never guess who you’ll be talking to. It’s so interesting how unpredictable it is, and that makes video calls really fun. After all, here you can meet anyone – even someone from another continent. And if you’re not enjoying your conversation partner, just press the ‘Next’ button and the system will connect you with a new user in a few seconds.
Just be yourself!
Online dating isn’t just for people who are being dishonest. The most important thing is to be yourself and not try to be someone else. At the end of the day, even in real life, there’s no such thing as the ‘real’ us. Our “self” is alive, changeable and shows itself in different ways in different situations. It’s in this diversity of our ‘selves’ that true sincerity lies.